Leadership: "The Courage to Disagree"
Professional relationships are many things that require healthy disagreement from time to time as you are in collaboration with others who are aiming at specific goals. Zooming out, you are part of a TEAM.
Disagreement doesn’t have to mean division. You can turn a disagreement into a collaborative exploration by asking thoughtful questions.
The next time you find yourself in a tough conversation, remember: it’s not about winning the argument but rather strengthening relationships and achieving better results. Let go of the need to be "right" by remaining curious just a bit longer and learning to explore the diverse perspectives of others.
Respect Fuels Better Outcomes
Disagreeing is a natural part of leadership, collaboration, and daily life. Because it can feel uncomfortable, we often avoid important conversations, which will often just cause a negative ripple effect later on.
Too often, disagreements feel personal, leading to defensiveness and shutting down meaningful dialogue. But what if you could approach disagreements in a way that challenges ideas without disconfirming or invalidating the person behind them?
Here are 5 powerful questions you can use to disagree constructively and keep the conversation productive.
1. Would you be willing to be challenged?
Disagreeing can feel very risky. By asking for permission to challenge an idea, you set the tone for a respectful exchange. This question frames your intent as collaborative, not combative.
Aim: “I’d like to challenge this idea because I think it could strengthen our approach. Would that be okay?”
Avoid: Jumping straight into your disagreement without checking their openness as it can feel aggressive and derail the conversation.
2. Are you open to hear another point of view?
This simple question opens the door to fresh perspectives while showing respect for the other person’s ideas. Leaders who foster this kind of dialogue often uncover blind spots and create space for innovation.
Aim: “Can I share an idea that might complement your thinking?”
Avoid: Starting with phrases like “I disagree” or “That’s not right.” These can shut down curiosity and collaboration.
3. Would it make sense to explore exceptions to this rule?
Questions about exceptions can introduce nuance and flexibility when ideas feel overly rigid or black-and-white. This question encourages creative problem-solving without invalidating the core idea.
Aim: “This rule seems effective overall—are there situations where it might not work as well?”
Avoid: Using this question as a way to poke holes or undermine authority. It’s about expanding the conversation, not tearing down the idea.
4. Would you be willing to share your reasoning?
Understanding someone’s reasoning builds mutual clarity and opens the door for deeper dialogue. It’s a great way to foster understanding before sharing your own perspective.
Aim: “Thanks for explaining—I see where you’re coming from. Can I share how I’m seeing it?”
Avoid: Using this question as a trap to make them defend their position. Keep it curious, not confrontational.
5. Would you consider delaying this decision?
Sometimes, a decision feels rushed, and all perspectives haven’t been fully explored. Suggesting a delay can create space for better analysis and input.
Aim: “Would it make sense to delay this decision until we’ve gathered feedback from the team?” Or, "Would you consider delaying this decision until we read the final proposal?"
Avoid: Suggesting a delay just because you don’t agree. Tie your suggestion to a clear benefit for the team.
Thank you for reading!
Resources -
From Conflict to Courage: How to Stop Avoiding and Start Leading (Chism, M.)